zombieproof: clayton carmine - gears of war (kid gloves are off;)
All right. This has gone on long enough. This is going to be the first actual post I make about the Figgy Situation, and it's going to be the last. (I'm sorry Elly, this is the only one I promise)

My name is Victoria. I'm twenty years old. I have one year at a shitty college where I failed out and never bothered going back because I'm afraid of failure, I'm afraid of trying, I have no ambition, and various other things. I have a piss poor job at Target as a Cashier, and I hate it, but I'm too lazy to do anything about it. I live in the attic of my parents' house, and I have no intentions of moving out anytime soon, despite what I say.

These things are all the boring, ugly truth about me. Because I am an honest person. I don't feel the need to lie to gain friends, because if you like me based on lies or how many stupid fucking posts in a day I can post, or because of my heinous graphics, or because of any number of other petty things, I've got no business associating with you. You will like me for the kind of person I am. Honest, loyal, and a little bit hot-headed (and when I say a little, I mean a lot.)

And I can tell you right now, that it's unlikely there is anyone on the Internet, outside of [livejournal.com profile] lheena who was closer to Figgy than I was.

And I am never forgiving her for what she did.

Which is not lying about her fucking PhD, as some of you think that's all she did, and no, if that were it? She doesn't deserve to be punished so brutally as she is. But she is not the good person you all think she is. She is a liar, and she's one of the most manipulative people I've ever known, despite her constant joking claims of her being innocent.

I have known Figgy for five years. From the beginning, she was one of the nicest people I'd known. She was warm, and friendly, and fuzzy, and awesome to me when I was a scared newbie in the big new world of Chatroom Roleplaying. She welcomed me with open arms, and we were friends ever since. That was back when Laurie, Wren, Dawn, Spam, Myf, Joie, Alex, everyone were still together, we were awesome, and powerful in our awesome.

It was around then that her PhD was called into question the first time. She has later amended the story to say that she hadn't gotten her PhD until a little after Magic and Muggles closed, to add in something about a psych ward visit (which I can't confirm or deny, although I've got my doubts about it) to add a little bit of spice to her life. To appeal to those of us who have suffered mental conditions, to gain good graces with fellow 'crazies.'

I didn't realize for a long time I was being constantly lied to, because Figgy has always told her lies honestly, like she believed them herself. And who knows, maybe she does. Maybe she's lied about so many things, so often, she actually believes that Rollins isn't her actual last name, that she spent time in a psychiatric ward, that she's a PhD, that she's working at the University of Washington.

Everything I listed there is not true, by the way.

How can I judge her so harshly? Because I knew her. Like I said, no one was closer to her than I was. I defended her when no one else wanted to and people called her out on being stupid, or annoying, or a liar. I pointed to the people who believed and called them friends, and I stuck by Figgy because she was mine. Because I talked to her all the time, because she said how she was always honest and true with me, because she said I was her best friend.

I lived in denial for years. Nothing was every Figgy's fault, although she cried and sobbed, blaming herself for things that happened in role-playing games and beyond. I constantly assured her that it wasn't her fault, it was the other person's fault. Figgy was a good person. Figgy was my friend.

Looking back now, after all that's happened, after she's finally admitted to just one of her many lies, I realize that's not the case. She did things that no sane person would do. She twisted stories to fit her needs, she mislead people into thinking it wasn't her fault.

She lied to so many of you, and you're still standing by her.

How can I know this?

I had her email password, throughout most of it. After I started modding [livejournal.com profile] canonwars with her, I checked it a little more often. Whenever something went wrong, whenever she thought that someone was going to blame her for something, she would quickly email everyone involved, telling each person a different story, begging forgiveness, saying the other mods were making her be mean.

She would forward official, valid complaints that players had to the parties that were being complained about, without asking the other mods, without consulting us. She would try to break up fights on her own, but she only caused more by blaming the person who she felt like would stick by her and the person who had finally had enough of her shit she would turn to, crying, saying it wasn't her fault.

I don't know how many times she called me, sobbing because she did that one too many times, and the person who had been threatening to leave for ages finally did. She quit and then changed her mind in so many of our games, so many times, I can't even remember each individual occurrence.

She would talk shit about people behind their backs, over the phone, and in email, before promptly emailing the person she was talking shit about and being nice.

I defended her to people that called her stupid, unreliable, a bitch, a liar.

She never once defended me from the people who insulted me. She changed the subject. Because she couldn't stand confrontation that might lose her a friend, never mind that she lost the people who were actually standing by her out of love for her as a person the second she lied.

Me. Amanda. Spam. There are more, but Amanda and Spam are the only ones who I know who have made posts about this, who have met her in real life, who are deeply hurting because she lied to them both. She knew Spam longer than she knew me, and Spam was one of her closest friends for a very long time. Figgy lied even then about her PhD.

We were stupid to believe the things she lied about, but when you love someone, when you think they've got a sparkling personality, you become unwilling to see the truth. You ignore it, until it slaps you in the face so hard you want to vomit.

That's what happened.

Suspicion building up until Figgy finally couldn't take the lies. She was finally facing them, and she snapped because she couldn't take them anymore. Because people who she had lied to over the phone and online and face-to-face so many times about little things, about big things, about everything were being understanding when she "entered the 12-step program" when she started seeking forgiveness for things that people didn't realize they were forgiving her for. She wasn't asking forgiveness for the small things she'd done and then covered up best she could with crying and promises of never doing it again, and getting better. She was seeking forgiveness for the lies she'd told.

And she isn't getting it. Not now, not ever. She is honest-to-god sick, yes. But she's waited too long, let it fester, take hold of her, poison her and her friends. I'd be surprised if any one of her old friends talked to her again.

Not that it matters, she's got new friends who are all a-okay with her lies and don't think it's a big deal because she's a nice person. People who think if they love her enough she'll come back and everything will be normal and she'll keep making her stupid Fandom Survivor posts, and her posts about happy fuzzies and her occasional emo posts so that she can get pats on her back and her ego inflated.

This isn't the end of it. I'd like to think that Figgy has gone and actually checked herself into a psych ward now, that she's gone to get some actual help for her obvious mental condition. She lied about having one, and well, it's the truth.

Figgy is sick. She needs help. Not a one of you on the Internet can give her that help, so stop acting like you can. If she comes back, acting like she's okay again, and everything is normal again, I urge all of you who want to support her to tell her to go to a mental institution, to GET help. Despite all the bullshit she's pulled, I want her to get better. Because despite the lies, she was still my friend. And I'm loyal to a fault.

I want her to get help. I want her to get her life in order. I want her to become a human being. But I stopped believing her lies long ago. And I stopped being her friend the moment she deleted her journal. Because she wouldn't have deleted it if Amanda hadn't made that post.

Because she would've let everyone gloss it over for her. Make her feel good about her lies. Because she was admitting to two of them.

Yes, two big lies.

But admitting to two doesn't change the fact that she lied about so much more than that. That she hurt people with her lies, that she was only ever looking out for herself, and for her gigantic fucking statistics.

Now. Go right ahead and flame me. Defriend me over this if you want to. But don't think it's going to effect me, because I know the people who are my friends?

You're going to stick around at the end of the day, and you're going to give me the truth like I need it.

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zombieproof: clayton carmine - gears of war (Default)
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June 2013

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