don't tell me what to think 'cause i don't care this time;

[zombieproof]

All right. This has gone on long enough. This is going to be the first actual post I make about the Figgy Situation, and it's going to be the last. (I'm sorry Elly, this is the only one I promise)

My name is Victoria. I'm twenty years old. I have one year at a shitty college where I failed out and never bothered going back because I'm afraid of failure, I'm afraid of trying, I have no ambition, and various other things. I have a piss poor job at Target as a Cashier, and I hate it, but I'm too lazy to do anything about it. I live in the attic of my parents' house, and I have no intentions of moving out anytime soon, despite what I say.

These things are all the boring, ugly truth about me. Because I am an honest person. I don't feel the need to lie to gain friends, because if you like me based on lies or how many stupid fucking posts in a day I can post, or because of my heinous graphics, or because of any number of other petty things, I've got no business associating with you. You will like me for the kind of person I am. Honest, loyal, and a little bit hot-headed (and when I say a little, I mean a lot.)

And I can tell you right now, that it's unlikely there is anyone on the Internet, outside of lheena who was closer to Figgy than I was.

And I am never forgiving her for what she did.

Which is not lying about her fucking PhD, as some of you think that's all she did, and no, if that were it? She doesn't deserve to be punished so brutally as she is. But she is not the good person you all think she is. She is a liar, and she's one of the most manipulative people I've ever known, despite her constant joking claims of her being innocent.

I have known Figgy for five years. From the beginning, she was one of the nicest people I'd known. She was warm, and friendly, and fuzzy, and awesome to me when I was a scared newbie in the big new world of Chatroom Roleplaying. She welcomed me with open arms, and we were friends ever since. That was back when Laurie, Wren, Dawn, Spam, Myf, Joie, Alex, everyone were still together, we were awesome, and powerful in our awesome.

It was around then that her PhD was called into question the first time. She has later amended the story to say that she hadn't gotten her PhD until a little after Magic and Muggles closed, to add in something about a psych ward visit (which I can't confirm or deny, although I've got my doubts about it) to add a little bit of spice to her life. To appeal to those of us who have suffered mental conditions, to gain good graces with fellow 'crazies.'

I didn't realize for a long time I was being constantly lied to, because Figgy has always told her lies honestly, like she believed them herself. And who knows, maybe she does. Maybe she's lied about so many things, so often, she actually believes that Rollins isn't her actual last name, that she spent time in a psychiatric ward, that she's a PhD, that she's working at the University of Washington.

Everything I listed there is not true, by the way.

How can I judge her so harshly? Because I knew her. Like I said, no one was closer to her than I was. I defended her when no one else wanted to and people called her out on being stupid, or annoying, or a liar. I pointed to the people who believed and called them friends, and I stuck by Figgy because she was mine. Because I talked to her all the time, because she said how she was always honest and true with me, because she said I was her best friend.

I lived in denial for years. Nothing was every Figgy's fault, although she cried and sobbed, blaming herself for things that happened in role-playing games and beyond. I constantly assured her that it wasn't her fault, it was the other person's fault. Figgy was a good person. Figgy was my friend.

Looking back now, after all that's happened, after she's finally admitted to just one of her many lies, I realize that's not the case. She did things that no sane person would do. She twisted stories to fit her needs, she mislead people into thinking it wasn't her fault.

She lied to so many of you, and you're still standing by her.

How can I know this?

I had her email password, throughout most of it. After I started modding canonwars with her, I checked it a little more often. Whenever something went wrong, whenever she thought that someone was going to blame her for something, she would quickly email everyone involved, telling each person a different story, begging forgiveness, saying the other mods were making her be mean.

She would forward official, valid complaints that players had to the parties that were being complained about, without asking the other mods, without consulting us. She would try to break up fights on her own, but she only caused more by blaming the person who she felt like would stick by her and the person who had finally had enough of her shit she would turn to, crying, saying it wasn't her fault.

I don't know how many times she called me, sobbing because she did that one too many times, and the person who had been threatening to leave for ages finally did. She quit and then changed her mind in so many of our games, so many times, I can't even remember each individual occurrence.

She would talk shit about people behind their backs, over the phone, and in email, before promptly emailing the person she was talking shit about and being nice.

I defended her to people that called her stupid, unreliable, a bitch, a liar.

She never once defended me from the people who insulted me. She changed the subject. Because she couldn't stand confrontation that might lose her a friend, never mind that she lost the people who were actually standing by her out of love for her as a person the second she lied.

Me. Amanda. Spam. There are more, but Amanda and Spam are the only ones who I know who have made posts about this, who have met her in real life, who are deeply hurting because she lied to them both. She knew Spam longer than she knew me, and Spam was one of her closest friends for a very long time. Figgy lied even then about her PhD.

We were stupid to believe the things she lied about, but when you love someone, when you think they've got a sparkling personality, you become unwilling to see the truth. You ignore it, until it slaps you in the face so hard you want to vomit.

That's what happened.

Suspicion building up until Figgy finally couldn't take the lies. She was finally facing them, and she snapped because she couldn't take them anymore. Because people who she had lied to over the phone and online and face-to-face so many times about little things, about big things, about everything were being understanding when she "entered the 12-step program" when she started seeking forgiveness for things that people didn't realize they were forgiving her for. She wasn't asking forgiveness for the small things she'd done and then covered up best she could with crying and promises of never doing it again, and getting better. She was seeking forgiveness for the lies she'd told.

And she isn't getting it. Not now, not ever. She is honest-to-god sick, yes. But she's waited too long, let it fester, take hold of her, poison her and her friends. I'd be surprised if any one of her old friends talked to her again.

Not that it matters, she's got new friends who are all a-okay with her lies and don't think it's a big deal because she's a nice person. People who think if they love her enough she'll come back and everything will be normal and she'll keep making her stupid Fandom Survivor posts, and her posts about happy fuzzies and her occasional emo posts so that she can get pats on her back and her ego inflated.

This isn't the end of it. I'd like to think that Figgy has gone and actually checked herself into a psych ward now, that she's gone to get some actual help for her obvious mental condition. She lied about having one, and well, it's the truth.

Figgy is sick. She needs help. Not a one of you on the Internet can give her that help, so stop acting like you can. If she comes back, acting like she's okay again, and everything is normal again, I urge all of you who want to support her to tell her to go to a mental institution, to GET help. Despite all the bullshit she's pulled, I want her to get better. Because despite the lies, she was still my friend. And I'm loyal to a fault.

I want her to get help. I want her to get her life in order. I want her to become a human being. But I stopped believing her lies long ago. And I stopped being her friend the moment she deleted her journal. Because she wouldn't have deleted it if Amanda hadn't made that post.

Because she would've let everyone gloss it over for her. Make her feel good about her lies. Because she was admitting to two of them.

Yes, two big lies.

But admitting to two doesn't change the fact that she lied about so much more than that. That she hurt people with her lies, that she was only ever looking out for herself, and for her gigantic fucking statistics.

Now. Go right ahead and flame me. Defriend me over this if you want to. But don't think it's going to effect me, because I know the people who are my friends?

You're going to stick around at the end of the day, and you're going to give me the truth like I need it.

Comments

[sifrid.livejournal.com]

You did this SO cohesively.

[offensive.livejournal.com]

I've had a while to mull it over.

[trinities.livejournal.com]

I love you, Varis.

[yogurt.livejournal.com]

Just so you know I would never defriend you over this. I admittedly do not know Josie as well as you or a lot of her old friends do. I'm all for her getting help if she really needs it, 'cause I really care about her regardless.

[laragoth.livejournal.com]

It's still pretty surreal, especially since at the moment, I'm stepping backwards through it (caught whiff of it all only yesterday).

Oddly, I don't feel as if it came from left field, but the whole situation, presently, has a very dreamlike quality to it.

All I can is...wow. Just..wow.

[vixias.livejournal.com]

I very much agree. It seems the very same to me, but I've been left to drift from all of them too long now.

[offensive.livejournal.com]

I think a lot of people are getting that. She posted it very late the night before last, so I don't think a lot of people even started seeing things until yesterday when it got picked up on fandom_wank.

[wakamoto.livejournal.com]

You know where I stand.. anyone who defriends you over this is someone you don't want to be friends with anyway.

Or something like that. We all love you, Varis.

[offensive.livejournal.com]

♥

[vixias.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Varis. I don't know what went down, but I'm proud of how you handled it, and though I admit I believed (out of ignorance, and out of lack of being interactive with her), and I liked Figgy, I can see the peices, too, and far be it from me to be angry or upset at you over this post. You have every right to feel how you do.

[offensive.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Jess. It really does mean a lot to me that people aren't getting upset at me over this, because I realize how popular and well-liked Figgy is and was, and me less so. XD

[vixias.livejournal.com]

XD But I love Var! And I love her so much that I am going to share the joy of Crisis Core

Ahem. But no, on a seriouse topic, it really was a shock to me. I'm pleased that people are handling how they talk about it so well, and besides, even if it seems like I'm "just saying" it, I have always felt you were far more honest than Figgy as it was. I'd trust you about things over figgy.

[selphish.livejournal.com]

My sentiments exactly.

[recession.livejournal.com]

I'm loving how calmly you could write a this. ilu Var.

[offensive.livejournal.com]

Rational anger is a new and very strange thing for me. ilu2 Chris ♥

[utada.livejournal.com]

=)

You've proved me wrong. I figured you were just going to not post anything about it to stop drama or not cause it, but you did something better. You posted your feelings in a civil matter and just.. Uhhn. ♥♥♥ It was great. It proves to me that you're a true friend. &you're amazin'.

The only thing I wanted to post when I read this was ILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOUSISSY. =(

so i am.


ILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOUSISSY! ♥

[nepheliad.livejournal.com]

You're a pretty damn amazing person, Var.

That's all.

[cassildra.livejournal.com]

I second this motion.

Anyone up for giving Var some form of sainthood?

[knitmeapony.livejournal.com]

Heh, I made a post too about it all; I went through the same as you are with the reading emails, the knowing better. I had her email password too for a while, and she basically got me turned out of ... I'm thinking four different games. It wasn't until I was co-modding one with her and she pulled this with me when I had full access to everything that it all finally clicked.

I had her lie to me IRL too, and she had other people lie for her to my face. Did you know, if all reports are true, she made up a fake diploma and showed it to at least three people? This goes so far beyond just chronic lying. She was making props for her fantasy world.

[korrigan.livejournal.com]

... I always feel like saying something about this, but what's there to say that no one else has about any of it? Eh.

[audient.livejournal.com]

Just wanna say thank you for clearing things up.

Feels good to not be in the dark. ♥

[astrophilia.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you were able to be civil and coherent about this. ♥ And anyone who would defriend you for it wasn't really your friend to begin with.

And I definitely agree that she needs to get professional help. I really hope she does because I'd like to see her get her life on track.

...mostly I'm just tired. And sad.

[randomtology.livejournal.com]

Thank you for explaining things. Things always seemed kinda off to me with her, but I thought it was just because I was the outsider from this writing group who wasn't around much.

And of course I'm not defriending you for this. This is your journal, if you can't say what you think here, where else can you?

[midzilla.livejournal.com]

I have nothing but respect for you.

[cassildra.livejournal.com]

Thank you for explaining something that didn't make sense.

♥

I still love a Var.

[illmantrim.livejournal.com]

I dont know either of you very well, but wow... I just reckon I want to say thanks for speaking, thanks for being adult about it, and thanks for being here.

I dont plan on dragging away anytime soon, so rock on. You are a pretty groovy person.

[what-the-jack.livejournal.com]

You're DAMN RIGHT I'm going to FLAME YOU.

FOR ONE THING. "Affect" is a verb. "Effect" is the noun. While effect can be a verb, it's used in a different circumstance.

"But don't think it's going to affect me," is correct.

"But don't think it's going to effect me to retract my statement," is also correct.

"But don't think it will have any effect," is also, also correct.

GOD.

I'm sorry I had to flame you so hard.

[offensive.livejournal.com]

...I love you Jack. XD

[frankenspam.livejournal.com]

That's...much more succint than I managed, at three o'clock this morning, when I sat and couldn't sleep and finally paced myself exhausted. I'm as much angry with myself as with Figgy, because dammit, I've been through this kind of shit before, more than once--you'd think I'd be a better judge of character by now. But no, I'm a grown woman who can still be as naive and trusting as a child, and then I wonder why it hurts when my trust is betrayed.

Maybe I just need to be a suspicious bastard. I don't want to have to be, though--I want to be able to trust people, to accept them at face value, without constantly being proven wrong.

...Boo. BOO, dammit.

[athena799.livejournal.com]

I don't know how this will effect things: I'm sorry that you've lost your friend and that she has become someone you can't forgive. I know we haven't really talked since people2people way back when but I would just like to add my two cents. I never liked Figgy, in fact she was one of the reasons I left forever_fantasy way back in the day and decided that if being shouted down for a suggestion and having my character killed without my consent was how internet role-playing was then I never wanted any part of it again. The debacle that ensued was also one of the reasons I stopped talking to you. I don't know enough about the situation to give actual input but I guess I can offer a pat on the back of sorts. It sucks to have friends betray you as I have learned recently. I hope things work out, even if its just time healing the wounds.
-Maggie

[iamradar.livejournal.com]

Hi Varis *waves* Thanks for making this post.

I had my suspicions as well for a long time, given my work in the medical profession. None of the medical-stuff she claimed ever clicked correctly, from her supposed knee-injury to her claim of contracting tuberculosis. I managed to separate myself out before being hurt too badly, but I was hurt all the same. The fact that she continued to lie to people who cared about her for years afterward? Is hella uncool. :-(

[lheena.livejournal.com]

Amazingly well said.

And... the part that jumped out the biggest to me (possibly because it was the most important to me) is that it's not that she lied about the PhD.

Personally, I suspected. I guessed. I stopped talking to her for the most part, I also read her email (which she knew about). I saw her playing one side against the other with her lies, but because at that point I was very concerned with my own chronic anxiety I was just convinced everyone was doing the same thing. I just trusted nothing anyone said to me.

... This makes me wonder, actually. It makes me wonder if that post forever ago in that meme about me and my Mom and everything was some weird bizarre lie on her case so I wouldn't doubt her. The mere thought of that does turn my stomach.

What I am upset about is the real life things. The hipocracy that she'll say that everyone would want to spend time with me, etc. and then lied about excuses. The fact the Ephe had to ask me if her grandmother had actually died and I had to tell her I didn't know makes me so incredibly furious that I could spit nails.

I am a protector of my friends. You know that - we're actually a lot alike, except I'm much more mothering in my protecting (only bristling when the babies are directly threatened), and you're more... the guard. The fact that Ephe has to wonder about that, that every single thing that she did to get people to believe in her has the potential to have been a lie is what makes me upset, now. It's what makes me want to shake her til she rattles, even though I know she needs help.

The supposed sicknesses to be closer to those who had personal problems. The clumsiness to make her be endearing. Every single time she promised something to someone in real life, and it got 'lost in the mail'. Her real life actions were honestly bizarre. Whenever we would go out, she would constantly buy me things. I don't know why - 90% of the time it wouldn't even be something I wanted, she would just pick it up, pay for it, and hand it to me. I still don't know why she did it, but she did.

Things never jived, of course. In 10 months, I never saw her house. I never saw her city. I never saw her family. I never saw her driver's liscense, her friends, her church. I only started hanging out with Sumi in April, and both of her parents know me by name, I've met her gardener and chased after her dogs and I know where she keeps her silverware.

All I know about Figgy, honestly, is what the inside of her car looks like, her exceedingly expensive tastes, and the fact that she always has somewhere to be. She was going to stay at my apartment at least 5 times, and each time there was something. I don't know why, but it bothers me.

I regret the way that I lashed out at Laurie- Laurie was exceedingly supportive about my Mom, and I knew that Figgy was histronic but it came down to both of them fighting and me being unable to deal with it- and for once Figgy kept her mouth shut and Laurie IMed me first. I blocked her completely (I had a panic attack), and never unblocked her. I wonder now what would have happened if Figgy had continued to push the issue.

Our friendship had largely faded because I was tired of trying. Of being the one to call her, of being the one to try and orgainize things, of planning and budgeting and having it go to hell. I got a life. I had friends and school and a job and I played less and less about the games she was in, and when she would try and get me to be against people (You included, Var), I would say "You know, I haven't talked to them in months, and I don't particularly care about them. I have too much on my mind to be negative."

I admit that she needs help. A lot of people need help, but she is way, way up on the list. I'm still angry. I'm allowed to be angry, as do you. I have the ability to say that while I recognize that she's sick, that doesn't mean that I have to let all of this immediately go.

[lheena.livejournal.com]

When she put up that post, when I wrote my initial post- I received two emails. The first was entirely lowercase, no punctuation, etc. You know exactly what I'm talking about. She was begging me to forgive her, that she was sorry.

Ten minutes later, I got a compeletely punctuated, capitalized, etc email. While I wasn't going to give in with the first one, that was when I realised this is the same as always. The original post was a plea for attention, and it backfired horribly. What she was expecting to get was "Oh, it's alright. Good for you for saying so."

A few people (selphish, maybe. Danya, although I don't know her username) saw the edit she made. I didn't have the window open to save it, but I read it.

She struck through the line that said we would all hate her, and was thanking everyone for their unbelievable support and was talking about how good everyone was.

It's all the same. This is nothing different. It may be horribly bitter of me to say so, but I would put money on it. I pray that this whole thing exploding in her face gives her a wake up call, but I will never say that her doing this was a good step on her part. It may have been a good accidental step, and a good step on my part to call bullshit, and a good step on everyone else's part who called bullshit, but it was not on her part.

This was exactly the same as her 'I'm an alcoholic' post.

.... I've babbled on, I hope this makes sense. I have no idea. XD I believe I lose. SO. ... Have a good morning?

[evanesce.livejournal.com]

....hooboy.

Well said. I.....well, truthfully, I don't think I'm close enough to anybody now to really weigh in on this (which kind of sucks to admit.) Past the OMGWTF, I almost can't say anything, just 'cause we move in different circles now.

But like I said. I'm not gonna defriend anybody, least of all you. You were the first LJ-person I ever friended. It tooks guts to put your view out, especially as calmly and concisely as you did. Proud of you. ♥

[prylliepwns.livejournal.com]

Wow. I mean, holy wow. That's got to be the most informed, eloquent, truthful telling of this situation. And it scares me, because I emailed her telling her that I forgave her for what I thought were just small inconsequential lies about employment and education. But reading your post, I realize that it was so much more, and I had absolutely no idea.

You don't have to answer this question, but was I ever one of the people she talked shit about and then tried to make nice to in these emails, phone calls, and chats? I'd just like to know for my own peace of mind, if you don't mind telling me. And I'm truly sorry that you were hurt and affected by her lies and manipulations. Nobody deserves the things she's apparently done. Especially not people she knew and supposedly loved and respected IRL.

[offensive.livejournal.com]

At this point, from what I've seen? She has said bad things about everyone.